Memories - NOT amateur radio

Something just occurred to me. We assume time passes from the past to the future. and that we remember things in the past.  Altogether I can recall about 200 things from before the age of 5 as can my wife.  Many cannot.

What if this is all an illusion?  Perhaps every time we wake we think we have lived in the past but our brains have a finite memory that is in the here and now and not in the past? What I am wondering is time really there at all? We think we have a past, present and future, but this could all be an illusion.

In the world of quantum mechanics we have come to realise that things are stranger than we think. There is so much we do not know.

All we can do is keep an open mind and realise our brainpower is very limited. I wonder what our memory capacity has been estimated as? I imagine it must be well in the TB region and probably much much bigger.

UPDATE 1230z:  Googled it!  Estimated as 2.5 million Gigabytes. Huge! I wonder what the biggest super-computers in the world have by way of memory. As memory increases I wonder what will be possible in 20 years' time.

Brain functioning - NOT amateur radio

It is about 10.5 years since I had my stroke and these days I cannot tell what is as a result of this and what is just old age.

One thing I am aware of is what happens when I mishear words. Sometimes I think I hear something and my brain tries to make sense of it.

Another thing I am aware of is problems driving: everything seems to be much faster than it really is. I have experienced this for several years. Everything (to me) seems to be going about 20mph faster than it really is. Also when driving (or being driven) it is stressful as I am constantly on the lookout for hazards.

On an intellectual level, this is interesting. On a personal level it is hard.

The human brain - NOT amateur radio

There about 100 billion neurons in an adult human brain. This is quite staggering. By any analysis the brain is incredibly complex.

What is reality? - NOT amateur radio

This term I am attending (via Zoom) a series of lectures on the formation of the brain. Once we thought of our eyes like cameras and the brain interprets reality. It turns out this is totally wrong. This led me to a TED talk. It is quite short, but fascinating. I commend it to you.

‘The space-time continuum is a construct’

Brain injury - NOT amateur radio

On the news yesterday was a piece about brain injury research at Addenbrookes hospital in Cambridge. Two things stuck out to me. 

One was brain overload which I experience especially when driving: it seems everything needs processing and this causes my brain to be overloaded. All the time whilst driving I am looking for possible hazards and it is really exhausting. 

The second thing is profound tiredness or exhaustion. I want to sleep in the daytime far more.

My stroke was in 2013 and it is hard now to know what is old age (I am 75) and what was my stroke. My constant giddiness all my waking hours is exhausting and is a result of my stroke.

Brain filters? - NOT amateur radio

Recently, I have had some thoughts about the brain. 

In recent years, possibly as a result of my 2013 stroke, I have become very fearful of driving. In the early years after my stroke this was not an issue. It is as if my brain has to work far, far, harder assessing potential risks.  Touch wood, I have never had an accident.

I wonder if normal brains have a filter to allow information to be processed without overload? Perhaps this does not work properly in people with dyslexia or certain brain injuries? Maybe this changes with age?

Certainly, most people are able to block out certain traumatic events. If we worried about everything, life would be incredibly hard.

My brain - NOT amateur radio

In 2011 I took part in some medical research that involved an MRI brain scan. The photo shows the view of my brain. 

Perhaps the fact that part is missing explains a lot! 

Inside my head! - NOT amateur radio

This photo dates from 2011 when I took part in some brain research at Cambridge University. 

Stroke and autistic brains?

In the last few years I have noticed some changes. I am unsure if this is just old age or an after-effect of my stroke some years ago.

When I drive (or am driven) I seem to go slower than before: 50mph feels like 70mph.  Also, I am constantly aware of potential issues and dangers. It is if my brain is all the time aware of potential dangers on the roads. I am totally unable to relax. In fact I hate being driven or driving these days. This seems similar to how autistic people must feel.

Any medics here have any views?

More "brain fog" - NOT amateur radio

As reported earlier, I got my E-field probe working on LF.  In the past, this would have been totally trivial, but I am exhausted just putting dry cells in the EFP and old FT817. Just undoing a few screws tired me out! 

Brain malfunction? - NOT amateur radio

It is nearly 7 years since I suffered a stroke, but a few things have happened recently that have puzzled me. These may be artifacts of my stroke, old age, or not my problem at all.

On a couple of occasions I have heard people say things that I have corrected. My wife is certain that the right words were used. Short of recording the incidents, there is no way of knowing if it was me or not.

One of these was on BBC Breakfast TV earlier, when I thought Nagga had said 8pm by mistake when it should have been 7pm. The other event was a person's name that I corrected only to be told that the correct name was what my wife had said. My hearing is very good, so it is very unlikely that I simply misheard.

I am wondering if what I hear inside my head is sometimes wrong? I am now doubting what I hear. 

Brain overload? - NOT amateur radio

This may just be old age or another effect of my 2013 stroke. Driving has become much harder in the last year. When going 45mph it feels like 65mph. Also, I find I am always looking out for things that could happen, like drivers pulling out and not seeing me.

It is almost as if my brain is now more like someone with autism that has too much to process. My wife thinks this is all in the mind. She may be right. Certainly driving is tiring and stressful. Even with someone else driving I am still in brain overload.

Candlelit Carols - NOT amateur radio

Every Christmas our village church holds a carol service by candlelight. It is magical and usually packed. Whether a Christian or not, this sort of service marks the real start of Christmas.

Personally, I am unsure what I believe. The only thing I know is how little I know! Life/death/the universe are all mysteries. When we die I have no idea what, if anything, of "me" survives. Maybe my brain has evolved to the complex organ it is over billions of years. Perhaps we really just do return to dust. All I know is how little I understand. If anyone claims they know all the answers they are deluded. Maybe all religions are just attempts at answering "ultimate" questions.

My poor voice (stroke)

For reasons I don't understand, my brain is unable (at present) to communicate properly to my (fully working) voice box. My voice box was checked with a camera (down my nose) a few months ago.

Although my speech sounds OK to me (clarity and loudness) apparently it is a whisper and hard to understand. All the time I feel breathless.I am told this is all a result of my brain bleed and it will, in the end, recover. I have to be patient! 

Although I can manage short speech periods on the air (VHF/UHF UKAC sessions, for 30-60 minutes and on our Monday 2m net for similar times) I find voice QSOs effortful, hence why I use WSPR and other digital modes a lot right now. Hopefully thing will improve in 2015.

My brain

I am still puzzled by my brain functioning.

Most mental functions seem fine, but when I do an email or blog post I seem slow to spot errors like spelling mistakes or missing full stops. Usually, I try to correct errors before sending, but looking back I still spot mistakes that I've missed. It is as if my brain needs far more time to actually see the mistake. This must be yet another stroke related thing. Driving seems absolutely fine: I am not giddy and I feel in good control.

If you see blog errors please tell me. I want to correct the errors and know when my brain is not doing its job right.

Blogging errors

Please pardon my blogging errors. On most posts I make at least one spelling or grammar error, but I try to correct the mistakes as soon as I notice. Maybe it is an after-effect of my brain bleed that I react too slowly? Sometimes it is the next day (or later) before I notice the error. Although a lot better than I was, I still feel giddy walking and I tire easily. Slowly, oh so slowly, things are getting a little easier, but this is far longer than I ever expected. Patience!

MRI scan results

A week ago I had another MRI scan to see how my brain bleed is repairing.  Today I had to go back to get the results. I was extremely relieved to hear all is repaired, my boys will not inherit the problem and all is well.

My relief was visible. This had been a real worry to my wife and I.  I dreaded further brain surgery, fearing some long-term damage might be done.   I have now been "signed off" by the neurosurgeons and should not need to see them in their clinic again.

My main problems remaining are swallow of some liquids, giddiness when walking, some stomach discomfort and profound fatigue: most days the least physical exertion totally exhausts me. I find it hard to describe just how tired I feel most of my waking day.  All these remaining issues should improve, but this could be a long time. Apparently the neurosurgeon told the DLVA in June that I am fit to drive, although their OK could take months to reach me.  A few months ago there was no way I could have driven, but now I feel ready to do so. It will be good to drive the car again.

Today has been an emotional day. I am profoundly grateful it is drawing to a close.

8 plus weeks and still in hospital

Sorry that my stroke is still making the hardest job near impossible. This has taken 10 minutes.

A QRPer's brain

Yesterday I went to get my brain MRI scanned as part of a Cambridge University research project on speech and language. The result is attached. I spent nearly 90 minutes being scanned whilst listening to various sentences.

Someone suggested the missing top part of the brain explains why I am a QRPer!