10 May 2014

What does my stroke feel like - inside?

People who see me say, "you do look well" and similar.  I have then to explain how I feel on the inside.

Outwardly I do look pretty good: I have put back lost weight, got colour back in my cheeks and am looking more and more like my "old" self.  Inside it is (still) a very different story. The best way to describe how I feel is by saying I feel wobbly all the time when walking - like I have had 8 pints of beer -  always giddy and unsteady when on the move. Any physical exertion, like a tiny bit of gardening, leaves me shattered and in need of a sit-down and rest. I also feel near constant, low level, nausea in my stomach and gut.

Overall, I am making progress but this is too slow: I desperately want to be "normal" again . At present, it seems 3 steps forwards and 2 backwards. I should be off the stomach (via peg) liquid feed by June/July and already the amount through the peg is vastly reduced compared with when I first came out of hospital. I think my giddiness and sickness/nausea are slowly improving. I am eating more by mouth.

So, I may look OK but inside I still feel rough at the moment. Normality is a way off yet still, sadly. Thankfully I sleep very well: when I drop off it is (usually) a long and good quality sleep. Sleep is the only time in the day I feel properly OK. The rest of the time is still a struggle.

Amateur radio remains a Godsend. I tend to use WSPR as I don't have to speak and can monitor progress from the lounge if I want. I am also enjoying beacon hunting on 2m and 70cm with the new small beam. Using SSB in the 2m UKAC last Tuesday evening was a struggle, as is speaking on the local Monday 2m FM net. My voice is still poor and I get breathless. I have appreciated visits from friends and the help of Andrew G6ALB with antennas.

The days are long and I miss not driving currently. With hard work, things will get back to normal again. I have no limb paralysis, hearing and sight are fine, my intellect is intact, so really I have a lot to be grateful for compared with many. The fact I have a good prospect of a full recovery keeps me going.

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